Enhanced Tumescence

WWH – I think the outline of Anthony Weiner’s cock is aesthetically attractive. It has substantial length without falling into the category of porn star scary like John Holmes. The girth is substantial, the head is perfectly formed and the shaft has a pleasing curve. I am sure many people of both genders can, with a little bit of imagination, make the fabric of his briefs disintegrate and imagine his maleness in all its exposed glory. Now this is news! This is the kind of news that is really important, people! Don’t you think it deserves the air time it has received? And all men know their privates deserve some air time now and then.

Weiner’s cock is not quite fully erect. It is tastefully known in the trade as “enhanced tumescence.” Enhanced tumescence is a term first used, to my knowledge, by Playboy Magazine back in the 60’s. I know this because the fashion editor was a personal friend of mine back in New York and later in Los Angeles. In fact, I appear in the background of a full page photo in one of the magazines, playing a bongo at a pool party, while buxom Playboy bunnies ogle the handsome, scantily clad musclemen models and fondle their flexed pecs.

All the models were exciting specimens of manhood, and when the published photos were scrutinized, you could easily make out their cocks through their wet swim trunks or speedos. How is it that all these models seemed so well-endowed? The answer is “fluffers!”

Fluffers were part of the behind-the-scenes crew of these “fashion” shoots, along with the photographers, caterers, and go-fers. Before each photo, the models disappeared behind a screen, a boulder, a palm tree, or went into a room of whatever mansion might be the location for the shoot, and got “fluffed.” That usually entailed either self-stimulation or the caring, loving, admiring mouth or touch of some young man, who simply out of devotion to the craft, helped the model achieve just the right amount of “heftiness.” After the director approved the size of each model’s appendage… it had to be big enough to catch the light just so… he would quickly block the set and have the photographers shoot as many photos as possible before the tumescence shriveled to an unimpressive size. If that happened, the director would call “cut!” and the models would disappear for a few minutes while they got fluffed again. If only you knew what went on behind the making of a one-page fashion photo in Playboy you would either be shocked or getting out the lube.

Yes, there is nothing like enhanced tumescence to help make the news. It is the kind of news that the mainstream media deems important enough to share with the world because of the obvious impact it has on such important topics as the environment, corporate corruption, homelessness, poverty and war. The contribution these people make to an informed public cannot be underestimated! Mainstream news thrives on enhanced tumescence. Take any little ol’, flaccid, impotent story that would never stand at attention on its own… fluff it, stroke it, pump it hard until it is engorged, and then insert it repeatedly into sheeple’s minds. That’ll become the “hard” news and there’s nothing like a nice stiff piece of hard news to distract the public from the really important issues of our day.

There are other types of enhanced tumescence. The Kardashian sisters make the news because of the enhanced tumescence of their boobs. Lindsay Lohan takes up much needed air time because of the enhanced tumescence of her addictions. Charlie Sheen dominated the news because of the enhanced tumescence of his ego! And Palin’s absolutely apolitical but educational bus tour of historic monuments gets its enhanced tumescence from the enormous stupidity of this simpleton with illusions of grandeur. The media inflate her even more, like a sex doll, conveniently overlooking the fact that she is full of hot air.

And all the while, the mesmerized American public is glued to the television because of the enhanced tumescence of corporate greed which dictates which stories should be covered in exhaustive detail and which we don’t need to know about. They are enhancing the tumescence of my brain until it is ready to explode! I wish the mainstream news anchors would just admit they are nothing more than fluffers and give their corporate masters a really good blow job and get it over with. They ejaculate all over us anyway, every day.

Therefore, the only solution I can come up with that might make the really important news enticing enough for the corporate-controlled media to cover in detail is to have ready, willing, and able “fluffers” in attendance at all truly newsworthy events. The Citizen’s United Supreme Court Decision would have gotten much more insightful coverage if the Justices had made the decision while in the middle of a circle jerk and if need be have their assistants act as fluffers. After all, what is a paralegal for? Patriotism at its best! And let us not forget the efficacy of a good vibrator.

The silent dancers at the Jefferson Memorial who were arrested and pummeled for expressing their First Amendment rights should have fluffed themselves before dancing. The women, if not due for a breast reduction should hold off on that if only to get some air time, and those woman who are small-breasted should use oversized falsies for the sake of the revolution. We all know that when it comes to revolution, certain sacrifices will have to be made. The men who were silently dancing should have bought huge dildoes and shoved them down their pants before the protest began because enhanced tumescence attracts mainstream news! At least use a fleshlight!

If only the people who got arrested for serving food to the homeless in an Orlando park would have enhanced their tumescence somehow. Deep cleavage on homeless women and inordinately huge outlines of homeless cocks might have gotten them more news coverage. As for the Hong Kong gatherings memorializing the Tiananmen Square protests… if they had made one of those huge enormous Chinese dragons used in parades to look like a giant cock fucking an effigy of the Chinese government, I dare say the mainstream media would have drooled and shown clips from that event over and over and over.

All I can seduce… I mean, deduce… from all of this is that if we really want the mainstream news to cover the truly important events, those events will need some enhanced tumescence in order to get noticed. Why they don’t have a hard on for the wars around the world, the corporate takeover of America, the ugliness of Tea Party politics, the trashing of the planet, the incredible dangers inherent in extending the Patriot Act, the ludicrousness of not raising taxes on the wealthiest among us, etc, is beyond me except for the fact that they lack sex appeal, the kind of sex that makes Fox News and their counterparts salivate; the kind of sex appeal that is only made possible by fluffers and enhanced tumescence.

In all fairness I do have to give them credit for jerking us off… I mean jerking us around. Or maybe they think we are just jerks! If you really want to know what is important, make Worldwide Hippies your home page. They at least will point you in the direction where there are no fluffers and no tumescence. There is only truth and this truth needs no enhancement. It needs only serious contemplation and reflection followed by passionate activism. If you want masturbatory news, stick with your basic cable and mainstream media. If you want the truth, stick with us!

To contact Phil or find out more: check out his website and blog For a copy of HUNGA DUNGA
Phil Polizatto – Worldwide Hippies Bureau Chief – West Coast USA, is a graduate of The School of Foreign Service, Georgetown University. He was a feature writer for the overseas division of UPI, a copywriter for CBS, and an award-winning corporate film producer. Mr. Polizatto is a published poet and a regular contributor to Worldwide Hippies as well as a variety of other arts and literary journals. Hunga Dunga is his first published novel. He resides in the Pacific Northwest.