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As the Cookie Crumbles: If I Ran The Zoo…

2012 February 9


By Dr. Woody,Worldwidehippies. – …Hola, Hippies! Paz en el Barrio! Every oncet in a wahl, Ah’ll git inta a sorta PEN-sive mood, if’n ya no wadda mane, an Ah’ll let m’mahnd to wowwnder, ‘n sumtahms sumpin’ll pop up lahk ‘iss-year:

If I were the president, and instead of cautiously ducking and covering and hiding from the furious, flashing panties on Fox, I wanted to demand the Nation confront the overwhelming necessity of taking SERIOUSLY the challenges of impending, likely catastrophic climate change–which arguably is the most potentially devastating evolutionary challenge of the last 100-200 THOUSAND years (outside even nuclear devastation, possibly)…

If, as I say, I were the president, and I were aware of this impending calamity, even in the periphery of my understandably fragmented attention span–this whole deal about being the “most powerful man in the world” stuff is HARDER than it looks, I’m sure…

If I were, like I said, the president, and I had a couple of little kids who hadn’t managed to retain their evolutionary gill-slits against the rising waters and the tides of humanity which will flood from them, and I really wanted to do something to mitigate these horrendous, but all too imaginable, all to possible, consequences, do you know ONE thing I would do, without fail?

If I were president, and knowing what even I know about the power of the bully-pulpit, and in the full knowledge that EVERYTHING I said was gonna be reported somewhere, every day, the same day I said; not everywhere, but a lotta SOMEWHERE’s…

If I were president–if I RAN THE ZOO– I’ll tell you what I’d do, and it’s the simplest thing, too.

I’d begin, and end, every public utterance with an appeal–not necessarily heavy-handed or pedantic–for a real inclusion of the climate change in the national conversation. Sir Barry already showed us his pipes. Let’s give him the Marvin Gaye chart were grooving on now as a camp[aign song. He could KILL it…

Seriously. Think about it. If he placed everything he said, from prayer breakfasts (WTF?! izzat about) to press conferences to presidential greetings to visiting dignitaries in the context of some suggestion of the gravity or the situation, it could turn the whole conversation around.

Yes, it would evoke torrents of mockery. But? So WHAT? He’s not used to that YET? It would draw attention to the subject. There is NO SUCH THING A “BAD PUBLICITY.” The climate crisis needs all the attention we can pay to it.

If he were ANYBODY but the good Sir Barry, the Pale, Ronald Reagan’s foster son. He runs the zoo. Boo hoo.

Watch, when the beach is on the other side of the road, hippies…

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